So I have been thinking of doing a "how to" section forum, otherwise known as the "honeydo" area, because you know, who really want's to replace a ****ing screen, or fix the gate, or all the other shitty jobs that you dread but your wife will hound you until you do. So if we create a repository of how to's it will make our lives easier here.
My wife seems to know a lot, and I love her for it, but she doesn't know many useful things, although she would beg to differ. She knows how to record Ellen and Oprah, and she told me today about Arnold Schwarzenegger's love child, but she can't fix the ****ing screen door that her little dog wrecked. OK so here's how to fix the screen door.
OK first thing you do is make sure you have all the proper tools. Forget about listening to the asshole at Home Depot about using a spoon to insert the screen trim, he's lying. He's only there to pass the time. OK, check the tools.
You will need one of these first thing.
If you don't have one of these substitute with rye, vodka or beer, make it a stiff one, remember you're in the garage, no one is going to say a word, unless they smell it on you later, and my wife has a nose like a hound, but OK let's move on.
I bought the screen kit, it comes with the trim and tool and the whole nine yards. The first place to put the plastic piece of shit tool the kit came with.
OK good, hopefully you spent the $5 on the wood handle steel roller tool.
OK good, you got the right tool. Have a sip of your drink, then lay the frame of whatever you are fixing flat on the floor, take the screen and lay it out over the frame, it should have came in a roll, put the rolled ends down so it doesn't curl up on you. If you need help get your dog to help you square it up, because your wife is in the house watching Dancing with the Stars. As you can see my Jack Russell get's it sorted out. If your dog likes rum give him a shot too.
Starting at a corner get the trim holder thing rubber strip whatever it's called lined up. Then take the concave side of the special tool and start squishing it in the seam.
Work it all the way around. Take the excess screen corners and tuck them in on the corners, it will help keep the screen tight. Also as you compress the screen into the grooves it will tighten it up
After you have the trim all the way around, take the other skinny end of the tool and really ram it in there. Don't be in a big rush to finish, you still have time to pour a halfer.
When it's all done take your utility knife, or if you can't find your utility knife because your wife used it in her flowerbed and it was never seen again, take your old rusty dull banana knife and trim the excess screen off, be careful not to cut yourself especially if you haven't had a tetanus shot lately.
And there you have it, fixed screen and no hoards of mosquitoes in the house. It's far from good, but looks good from far.
