Author Topic: Funny Read.  (Read 1641 times)


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Funny Read.
« on: December 06, 2011, 09:48:40 AM »
Picked this up off another forum,, who knows if its real but still an intertaining read..

This was forwarded to me by a friend.  I have no idea if the story is true,.  Anyway, this is a rather funny story.

Why We Shoot Deer In The Wild

(A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this...)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.  The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.

I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.  The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.  They were not having any of it.  After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up, 3 of them.  I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.  The deer just stood there and stared at me.  I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold.

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.  I took a step towards it, it took a step away.  I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education.  The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt.
in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.  A deer-- no Chance.  That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled.  There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it.  As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.  The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up.  It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.  At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison.  I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.  At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer.  At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in.  I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand... kind of like a squeeze chute.  I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do!  I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when .....  I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.  Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go.  A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull.  They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly.  I tried screaming and shaking instead.  My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.  I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it.  While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet.  They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp ...  I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal.  This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse.  This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work.  In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.  I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.  The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.  Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave.  I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.  What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope... to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God...


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Re: Funny Read.
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2011, 12:08:11 PM »
ha ha ha... funny stuff..   my granny used to run the CN bunkhouse in jasper where the out of town rail workers would stay... well i was quite young at the time prolly 8 or 9 years old and i found a deer laying outside... i had a plain old hotdog bun in my hands that i had taken a bite out of but i fed it to the young deer... it was loving it and while it was eating on it i dropped it and went to pick it up off the ground and it stood on its back feet and gave me the old 1-2 combination with its hooves.... dropped me right there... so i got up and was pissed off.... walked with my head down back into the bunkhouse ... no more than 10 minutes later that little deer came walking into the kitchen where there was about 5 guys sitting... it walked right up to me and put its one foot up on my lap for a second... everyone just stopped what they were doing and stared at me...  i swear that little whitetail followed me around all day looking for more hotdog buns.... i guess this is why they say dont feed the wildlife in the parks ..... true story!!!!


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Re: Funny Read.
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2011, 01:20:02 PM »
Very nice.  I have read before and its funny every time.  I have live caught deer in the past (about 20 years ago when we did a Mule deer study after they flooded the Old man River near Pincher) to put radio collars on them.  Some are like the deer described here while others are a little more docile.  I can tell you that a fawn bleating only 10 yards away does not help settle the doe down.  LOL  The bucks were much easier to handle and gave up quite easily once the blindfold was on. 


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Re: Funny Read.
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2011, 02:32:19 PM »
I love that story.

Reminds me of a story my Uncle likes to tell.

He worked on a ranch in Colorado and he and another pard were picking up strays that were still on state land in late October. Colorado is known for heavy snow storms in the fall and this year was no different. They were pushing cattle that had dropped down below the snow line when they came across a spike elk that was mired down in a heavy drift. They felt the elk was exhausted and wouldn't put up too much of a fight so they both dropped a loop over its head and started to pull the bull free of the drift. The elk offered little resistance as he was pulled out until his feet hit solid ground, then the rodeo started. Instead of fighting the rope the elk charged his would be rescuers. Their mounts came unglued and started bucking and screaming in terror. My Uncle was able to get the wraps off his saddle horn and toss his rope but his pard wasn't as lucky. Trying to keep from being tossed from his horse he was not able to get his rope off the horn. All my Uncle saw and heard after that was the elk chasing a terrified horse with a cowboy swearing and screaming going down the side of the mountain.

To this day he can't tell that story without tears of laughter rolling down his cheeks and anyone listening is doing the same.

Chris K

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Re: Funny Read.
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2011, 10:07:23 PM »
OMG!!! I have not laughes that hard in ages.  This guy is a great writer and paints a very descriptive mental picture. 



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Re: Funny Read.
« Reply #5 on: December 09, 2011, 10:45:35 AM »
Good stuff Walleyes