Author Topic: How to repair your lawn  (Read 788 times)

Paul

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How to repair your lawn
« on: May 30, 2011, 11:35:36 AM »
OK this weeks how to is pertinent to lawn repair. If you have a dog that hates the cold and likes to pee in the same spot the entire winter (not that there are many options with 6 feet of snow in my yard), you might end up with some awful looking patches on your lawn. It's simple and quick to repair these spots if you have the knowledge and the right tools to complete the job.



OK first thing is to head out and round up the materials you are going to need. Best bet is Canadian Tire, if you're going to spend money support your Canadian suppliers.



There is a plethora of shitty products there for your lawn, don't get suckered in by all these magic products, like pet spot fixer and other fancier chemically enhanced mixed fertilizer stuff, stick to the basics, black dirt and grass seed. Get what you need and get the hell out avoiding all the Sunday ladies blocking the aisles and buying flowers and bedding plants so they will have something to do and talk about with their friends.



OK now there are several other things you will need. Get one of these.



It will keep this guy quiet and out of your way while you are working. Don't tell his mother you are feeding him sugar at 10 am though.



OK you will also need one of these for after the job is done.

Note: Do not under any circumstances open this until after 12 unless you want to be called an alcoholic by the wife!!



Also don't forget to stop at Tim Hortons and sit in the line with the rest of the idiots to get your mother in law a french vanilla at the demands of your wife. Likely some arsehole will order 10 breakfast sandwiches and 3 boxes of donuts and **** up the line.



OK you have everything you will need. Take the rake you never returned to your neighbor since last summer and claw out the dead patch in clumps. It's good to get as much of the whole area as possible.



After that's done take the black dirt and fill the area in. Pick up the ice cream your kid threw on the driveway after he decided he was going to help. Also give him the tool he is most likely not to hurt himself with or hit any vehicles with.



Throw some grass seed in the dirt, use lot's, don't be cheap. The more you use the more chance that grass might actually grow.



After that rake it all in then tamp it down with the rake. Try and convince the kid to stop digging it up.



After that walk around on it a bit, use those cheap dress shoes your wife bought you at Aldo and you already wrecked doing other projects with them because they are comfortable and easy to put on.



OK lunch time. Have the wife serve pizza in the wagon. Don't drink the kids juice box.



OK there you go, all you need to do is water it.



Alright now check the time. Is it past noon? OK good.



Don't overdo it.

There you have it, a quick guide to lawn repair.

Weste

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2011, 11:43:26 AM »
Hilarious Paul!!!   ;D  I am already thinking of a few other applications for the process.LOL


BullShooter

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2011, 12:04:17 PM »
That's some great stuff Paul!!!  ;D ;D ;D ;D

When the "Honey-Do" list comes out on the weekends, noon can't come early enough! Cheers, Mike

TheSylvanSpinner

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2011, 01:05:17 PM »
Awesome!

Sassy

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2011, 02:55:32 PM »
That's awesome!! I was just looking out at my lawn wondering how I should start the whole process!! I might just have to get that started tomorrow or the day after, the bf will be so proud of me! lol

wildmeat

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2011, 07:48:15 PM »
ba hahaha. well said sir!!

Joe Fehr

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2011, 08:55:36 PM »
Works 100% Excellent run down.

Daceminnow

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2011, 09:29:50 PM »
good stuff paul keep em coming. the neighbor was just asking about tips for the same repair job on the week-end. i'll be referring him to this thread. foolproof.

Dace

nube

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2011, 10:07:53 AM »
Hey, I tried that and it still looks like dirt!!  I have my fingers crossed my grass will grow.  Thanks for the tutorial

mooseknuckle

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2011, 03:52:39 PM »
Paul your a godamned genius!! I find that MGD is a very universal tool and works well for any project around the house. Inside or out!!

Grass is looking good, the best way to get it to grow is to grab another box of those MGD'z and a lawn chair and watch it closely. If you ever need hand with that I have some other useful tools to assist.
Whats for Lunch?

Paul

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2011, 01:54:30 AM »
OK update guys, grass is growing....

[attachment deleted 180 days old]

ducky_hunter

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Re: How to repair your lawn
« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2011, 06:59:04 AM »
OK update guys, grass is growing....
looks good Paul want to come fix my grass